What a Crappy Friend I've Been

"Pity, party of one!"  Hey, that's been me these last couple of weeks.  I see all these friends posting on facebook about how much fun they've had hanging out together.  And not just at the park, but at each other's houses.  

So I started wondering "Where's my invite?  What have I done to alienate all these people?  They don't even call me anymore."  Then it starts into a downward spiral from there:  "Am I not cool enough?  Is it cause I'm bossy and annoying?  Is it cause they don't like me anymore?"  And from there the inevitable "Nobody likes me.  Everybody hates me.  I'm going to the garden to eat worms."  But when I get there even the worms aren't around! 

Then I realized that it wasn't that my friends have forgotten me.  It's that I FORGOT THEM.  If I want people to hang out with I should call them.  Sure I've put the generic "let's meet at the park for lunch" out there on FB for everyone, but I haven't talked to anyone.

Even my best friend.  I've completely ignored her for a while.  Why?  I have no idea!  She didn't do anything to me, she's always been there for me.  If I called her up right now and said "Hey let's do lunch" she would probably be here at noon.

The truth is I'm just plain selfish.  I want people to want to hang out with me enough that THEY'LL go out of their way to ask ME.  But if you think about it look at what I've been posting on FB.  "Can anyone help me?  What can you do for me?"

So with apologies to my many friends, okay ALL my friends, I'll try to be a better friend.

Starting at the Beginning

Today I begin a journey that's been a long time coming.  This journey will take me from "cranky me" to "happy me."  Yeah, I know what your thinking, "She's not cranky, is she?"  It's called acting, and I do the happy act well.  It's not like I'm depressed or anything, I just get frustrated so quickly, and all the time.


So my journey begins, one step at a time.  I'm journeying to find a happier, healthier me.  So here I am, being brutally honest.  This isn't a pity party, it's a reality check.

I weigh 170 pounds. 
I over-eat, but I don't stop when I know I should. 
I don't read my scriptures regularly. 
I don't pray regularly. 
I yell at my kids, a lot! 
My house isn't a pig-sty, but it's embarrassing when people show up unexpectedly.
I spend too much time reading. 
I waste more time than I care to admit online. 
I don't appreciate my hubby as much as I could (notice how far down that one occurred to me).
My self-confidence is shot.  If people don't seek me out I feel un-loved.

In order to find the "happier me" I'm going to work on each of these problems.  I know I'll have set-backs.  I know that it looks like I'm trying to eat the elephant.  The process will be slow and sometimes painful as I take a look at myself with a magnifying glass.  But if I can get even half of these things worked out I'll be happy.

So please join me as I'm "Just Chasing a Happier Me."  I'll need your encouragement, love, and support.