All you need is love...

This morning I was browsing Facebook wasting a few minutes before waking my kiddos up and I read posts by two different "celebrities" that I follow.  Both of their posts reminded me of a goal I've set with said short people.  We have decided to try and say only nice things about people, even at home where no one but us will hear.  Let me say that again.

We're trying not to say anything negative, mean, rude, whatever, about anyone.  Not about our political leaders who are doing more harm than good, not about people we know who drive us batty because of their personalities, not about each other.  NO ONE.

Are we good at it?  Not yet.  Are we trying?  Absolutely.

Some of you reading this will say to yourself "That girl will never be able to keep her mouth shut.  She's way to opinionated for her own good."  And you are right about me being a know-it-all who doesn't hesitate to tell it the way I see it.  Yes there will be things I say are bad for us.  I will use every opportunity to tell you what I've observed as wrong with the school curriculum, the HOA, the way my children are being told things on TV science shows that I disagree with.  In other words I will stand up for what is right, even if I'm alone.  Will I bash the teachers who have to follow along with the district, the people who run the HOA, the people telling my kids these "lies?"  No.

There are people out there that will be hard for me not to bash, specifically political leaders from BOTH parties, who's goal seems to be power and control instead of the benefit of the majority of Americans.  There are people I have to deal with in my community that sometimes I want to tell where to step off.  The people who cut me off in traffic, the people who's kids are out of control, people who won't even try to understand my point of view.

These people are God's kids, too.  As special as I'd feel if it was the case I'm not his only kid.  We're all special in some way and I need to remember that.  I may have to take a page from the South and start saying "bless his heart" when really I want to say "this is where he can stick it."

Please help my by NOT telling me how crappy a job I'm doing when you hear me bash someone.  I AM trying.  Please forgive me when I mess up.  Please don't remind me of past mistakes.  I am not, and have never been, perfect.  I've had more than my share of "oh, crap" moments, and caused more than my share of trouble.  I own it freely and without putting the blame on others.

If you want to read the posts that reminded me to be better you can find them here:

https://www.facebook.com/RPEfans   his letter to the anonymous church lady

and    

https://www.facebook.com/GlennBeck   his post that starts about the Blacklist TV show.

Help! I'm an addict...at least I think I am.

Last Sunday our lesson in Relief Society was about getting out of bondage.  We used a talk given by Elder Cook in the October 2013 General Conference called Lamentations of Jeremiah: Beware of Bondage.  You should read it if you feel like you have questions about whether or no you, like me, are sort-of-an-addict. 

I've been thinking about this a lot lately.  I mean a lot, even before the lesson.  One of the sections in the talk made the point beautifully:

"Second, some addictions or predilections, while not inherently evil, can use up our precious allotment of time which could otherwise be used to accomplish virtuous objectives. These can include excessive use of social media, video and digital games, sports, recreation, and many others."  

It was a reference to a headline from a 2012 New York Times magazine article:

“The Hyperaddictive, Time-Sucking, Relationship-Busting, Mind-Crushing Power and Allure of Silly Digital Games.” And then in small print: “(Which is not to say we don’t love them too.)” 

I'm completely addicted to Facebook.  To try to control my addiction I decided to stop using FB for a couple months.  I deleted the app, made it so I can't go to the website from my phone, and announced it to the FB world.  Then I breathed a sigh of relief.  Wow!  That felt great!  My FB addiction was defeated.

Then I realized that I'm the head administrator of the Tooele Triathletes page, that I just started back up after six months of ignoring it.  Well what's a girl to do?  So I decided to just pop on from my hooked-to-the-wall-computer to take care of that one page without looking at anything else.  Problem solved.  We also had a small family crisis concerning our dog.  Long-story-short we thought we needed to give her up due to her hyper-protection of the kids, but decided against it when the shelter told us that even though she's never bitten anyone she most likely would be put to sleep.  I needed to get the word out and FB is the easiest way to make both announcements and that my kiddos needed extra love for a bit.  Again the hooked-to-the-wall computer was the best way to do it.  

Those two instances made me re-think my addiction.  How sure was I that Facebook was the problem?  Let's think about it for a few minutes.  I was popping on my phone every half-hour or so to check FB.  Nope, nothing new yet.  Better get back to cleaning the kitchen.  Or Ooh, s0-and-so has a new blog post.  I must read it right now!  I must be informed.  Okay, looking like a FB addiction for sure.  Then suddenly it wasn't an option any more.  So why am I still looking at my phone every half-hour?  I downloaded the Candy Crush game app.

CRAP!  It's not a Facebook addiction at all.  I'm addicted to my PHONE.  Are you kidding me?  I refuse to buy my kids handheld games because I don't want them to be zoned, looking at the tiny flashing screen for hours on end.  Yet here I am, looking at the tiny flashing lights on my phone screen.  What the heck?!  Mountains of laundry, spots on the walls for weeks, windows, home improvement projects needing to be finished, and worst of all neglecting my family and teaching my kids that the tiny flashing lights are important.

So, yep, I'm an addict.  It's not a chemical addiction, but if you believe the medical articles I am having a chemical reaction in my brain.  I need to keep my phone busy in other ways, so I don't feel the need to jump on it every few minutes.  I have Spotify and Pandora, so maybe that will help.  Does anyone have a playlist or station they're willing to recommend/share with me?

Oh, by the way, here's the link to the complete talk if you want to read it or maybe question your addiction/predilection:  

https://www.lds.org/ensign/2013/11/sunday-afternoon-session/lamentations-of-jeremiah-beware-of-bondage?lang=eng#footnote16-10711_000_035

Burnt Bridges

Last week I started thinking about a friend of mine.  At least we used to be friends.  We would do everything together.  She'd visit me at work, I'd visit her.  We took some of the same classes at school, we were on the same sports team.  Everything.  

Then we didn't.  I knew what the problem was.  She was always right and knew so much more than me.  She gave me horrible advice, tried to steal my boyfriend, and ignored me.  She was a drain on me emotionally.

Except she wasn't.  It was all ME.  I was the selfish one.  I was the know-it-all, I gave her garbage advice, and tried to get her to break up with her boyfriend because I knew he was wrong for her.  I called her and dumped my crap on her.  I treated her horribly!  In order to protect herself from my reign of terror and destruction she had to cut me off.  I can't blame her.  She was right.

Fast forward twenty years, and I'm still not that great of a friend.  Last spring a friend of mine that I've looked up to for a long time said something to someone else (none of my business) and I flew off the handle.  Yes, I did apologize later that day, but the damage was done.  I still cry about it sometimes.  Since that time I'm afraid I've lost his friendship forever.  I hope I can say it was the last time.

Now what is the moral of this sad and lonely tale?  Sometimes people are hurting so they take it out on those around them they way I have.  Once in a while we behave so badly we drive others away.  Try not to take it personally, because honestly it has nothing to do with you.  Try to see the good in everyone, especially when it's hard.  That's what I'm learning to do.  My high-school friend tried to help me and I drained her of any love she had for me.  My other friend had to protect himself from my volatile temper tantrums.  They were both right to do it.  What I failed to see is that they were both trying to help someone.  They saw the good that they could do, where I only saw imagined insults.

Look for the best in people; it's always there.  Ignore the negative; you'll have bad days too.  I'm not asking for a free pass for myself, but for the others you'll come across in your day to day life.  They all deserve the best you; because you're awesome!

Let's Be Real

Everyone who knows me knows that I've suffered from depression for, well, forever.  And not only do I suffer from it, but everyone else suffers because of it.  I'm rude, I yell at, dismiss, hurt, whine to, and all around treat everyone around me badly.  I am THAT person.  

How do we treat depression?  Well these days there are any number of ways to deal with it.  Medications, drugs, alcohol, withdrawing into yourself, suicide, bullying and so many more I can't possibly name them all.  I've tried some of these ways to fight it.  Not the drugs and alcohol part, but that's only because God himself said not to.  But really none of it has been a good long-term solution for me.  Whatever works for you you do it.  For me none of these felt right.

So I started doing research.  Did you know there are chemicals in everything?  Like everything, everything.  All the potions and lotions we use to clean ourselves and look better have synthetic parabens.  (Anything that says methyl-, ethyl-, propyl- butyl- is a papaben.)  I haven't found one that doesn't.  Well what's so bad about parabens?  There are some studies that have linked them to higher estrogen levels, which can explain a lot of things, including depression, some cancers, and earlier puberty in kids.

Then there are preservatives and GMOs.  I haven't done research on them as much (it's my next project), but there is a reason that D&C 89 is around and it isn't all coffee, tea, alcohol, and drugs.

And don't forget cleaning supplies and other chemicals we use all the time.

So I decided to do an experiment.  As of January 31 I have not used store bought shampoos, conditioners, or lotions.  Not once.  No more body wash, shave gel, nothing.  I have used hand soap, but only after using the toilet or while cooking to get rid of bacteria.  I only use full-on make up on Sundays, usually sticking to mascara alone.  For the first two weeks of February I was pretty much vegetarian, too.  Last week I made my own laundry sauce, and dishwasher detergent.

And now that it's just past St. Pat's how is it going?  Really well, actually.  I'm feeling really good about myself.  My depression is a lot, I mean a lot better.  I still yell at my kids (because they're kids who are normal and forget to do book reports or chores), but I don't feel sad/lonely/angry all the time any more.  I spend more time with my family, and more importantly with my hubby, than I do reading.  I've had the energy to take my dog on really long walks, like 6 miles long, three or four days a week.  

I still have days when I don't want to do anything except watch Sherlock or Bones or Almost Human all day, but there are less of them.  They may fade even more when I start up the vegetarian thing again at lunch today.  (I lost 7 pounds while I was veggie and it hasn't come back!!)

So all in all cutting back, if not cutting out completely (yet), has been a great thing for my mental health.  I'll continue to research and learning ways to get rid of un-necessary chemicals, and then pass the word along to you.