To Exercise or Not To Exercise...

That is the question!  Hamlet and Gomez Addams got the question wrong.  We have no choice whether or no to be.  Even dead we are.

So does exercise help?  Short answer, yes!  The long answer will take a bit longer to answer.

I love working out.  I love the way I feel when I have been able to work out.  And the harder the workout the better.  Being sore a few days later is such a cool feeling.  I would love to be able to exercise every day. And like all good depressed people I have lots of excuses not to.

First and really the biggest problem is time.  My mornings are crazy.  And not just the normal crazy.  Jason normally wakes up at 4:45, other than this week where he's recovering from a week of night shift work and the highly stupid Daylight Savings crap.  So he leaves at 5:15.  "Great," you say, "work out then."  My treadmill is next to Jamie's bedroom and wakes her up when I run on it.  Now you're thinking "So do a video."  The problem with that is will I make myself so tired that I won't be able to run, and with Ragnar just 3 months away I REALLY need to run.  So I don't work out at 5:30.  I just go back to sleep.

Then I wake the kids up at 7:00.  Breakfast, homework, getting dressed, driving to tutoring and whatever else takes me to 8:20ish.  Then there's cleaning the house, babysitting, and grocery shopping, taking Hunter to preschool.  Cleaning the house and grocery shopping are flexible and can be done whenever.  Hunter's preschool and babysitting are not flexible at all.  In fact neither of them are at set times or days.

So I don't work out that often.  Crappy excuses, I know.  But when you're depressed you'll go with whatever gets you out of whatever is hard.

So long answer short:  I don't work out even though I know it will make me feel better.

Hi, I'm Brittany and I'm...

Depressed.  What can I say?  You know when you see people, like my amazing sister, who has/have gone through some horrible times and you say if that was me I'd curl up die?  Well those amazing people never seem like they're depressed.  Sad, absolutely.  Depressed, never.

So what do I have to be depressed about?  Let's make a list of the usual suspects.  

Hubby?  Nope.  Jason is the best guy I could ever have married.  Don't get me wrong, I had some good boyfriends in the past and dated others a few times.  But none of them were Jason.  He's perfect for me.  He refuses to fight/yell/whine/complain.  He just asks that he has clean undies in the morning, a sandwich at lunch time, and dinner when he gets to his tidy home.  He doesn't even insist on tidy all the time, just so he doesn't trip over stuff.

Kids?  Nope.  Sure we've got our challenges.  Chase is pretty easy, except when it comes to doing homework and his writing in school.  Jamie is a bit of a drama queen, but what little girl isn't.  Matt just wants to play baseball and buy things at Disneyland.  Hunter, well Hunter is a little bit of a challenge.  He's a social butterfly and wants to be out and about playing at everyone else's house and the park.  But they're all really lovable and cuties.

House?  Nope.  I like my house, and I LOVE my neighborhood.  Is my house perfect?  No.  Are there things I would change if I had unlimited resources?  Absolutely.  Would I decide to move if I didn't have to?  Not unless I get unlimited resources and can live in Heber.

Friends?   I've got more now than ever before.  While I've never had friends I'm super close to, except one in high school, I have friends I love and would trust with my life and my kids lives.

Money?  Nope.  Jason's making good money right now.  We had enough that when our van decided it really didn't like us any more we could get a new car, insure it, and still have extra left over at the end of the month.  Sure I don't handle that money very expertly.  In fact I let it handle me more often than not, but all the bills get paid, and we put extra on the house and car every month so we can pay them off early.

So why am I depressed?  Brain chemistry.  Seriously, that's all it is?  I think so.  I'm trying to clear my body of all chemicals, except caffeine which I am slowly cutting back on.  But wouldn't anti-depressants help?  Yeah, they do.  But when I'm on them I'm more numb than anti-depressed.

Preview of my next entry:  Does exercise help?  Quick answer, yes.  Long answer, check back for that one.

On My Own...

I'm not making this a big long post.  Heck if it makes it more than a few lines I'll be surprised.  I just wanted to let you know of my decision to make my blog private.  "But you only have two followers," you say.  Yes that's true (thanks Charity & Teresa!).  I'm having a really tough time right now, and not everyone wants to hear about it.  My depression is not going away as quickly as I'd like and anti-depressants make me so tired that I'm cranky anyway.  I need a place to cry, whine, and vent.  I would love to add a few more followers, but only those people who really LOVE me and won't begrudge me a few minutes of their day.

If you want to be a follower and help me please send your e-mail address to britteld@gmail.com.